Off Topic – I’m in a weird place

Have you ever felt like you should be doing something but you don’t exactly know what that something is? That is how I’m feeling right now. The last several months have been filled with so many changes – good, bad, and indifferent- and right now I just seem to be in a place where I’m assessing it all and trying to figure out what to do next. Since 2008, I had my own business as a professional photographer for local children and families but at the beginning of this year, I decided to close it. While all the people I met were wonderful and the photography aspect was something I still love to do, my passion for it was waning a bit and I found myself just plain not wanting to do it for pay anymore. You know that saying, “Find your passion and get paid to do it”? Well, that is not the case for me. So, here I am, wondering what is next. I have two boys at home and we homeschool so that is definitely a big part of my future. But I need to find something for me. It doesn’t have to be a job, I just need something for me. First world problem. I know, I know.

When my husband gave me my first digital camera several years ago, it unlocked something in me that I never knew was there. It was amazing, an awakening, and I fell in love with photography right away. That feeling of euphoria was unlike anything I’d experienced, aside from when I fell in love with my husband or gave birth to my children. 🙂 Having had a taste of that I find myself wanting to experience it again, knowing that it’s not something to be intentionally sought out. Knowing that it will find me when the time is right. The waiting part is difficult for me. I feel distracted from my weight-loss journey and, in fact, have spent the last 2 months gaining and losing the same 3 lbs. My focus is off, my mind is somewhere else, and it has been hard for me to get back on track.

Have you ever gone through a period like that? My weight loss stands at 38 lbs gone right now and I feel fantastic. My blood pressure is 110/62 and I really physically feel better than I have in a long time. It’s the emotional piece of me that is in need of rehabilitation now and I’m just not sure where to turn to find what I’m looking for. It’s frustrating, maddening, and a little bit depressing, too.

Please forgive me for this indulgent post. I know this is not why people come by here but, since this blog is about all aspects of my journey, it feels important to include these feelings as part of the official record. They are some of the steps on the path, too.

Anyway, if you got this far, thank you for sticking with it and with me. I promise that this week I will post something delicious and food related and there will be a beautiful photo to accompany it. 🙂

Hope all is well in your world…..

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